Remember, and then, just forget it. Right?
Everything went blank. Next thing I remember I was down, in the middle of nowhere, and still, when I came back to myself, it was as if crawling back into consciousness. And like a baby, I could not understand much in this specific moment. And there was too much to understand, and as the fuzzy dream came back, it was like trying to keep water on my bare hands.
Happiness mixed up with suffering. No, I ain’t a masochist. Well, sometimes I am, but not the kind you probably are thinking of. I like to watch movies that make me cry, cause a live in the moment. Sometimes I wonder where am I going, and then just stop because it really does not matter to me. Well, not that much really.
Sometimes I look back in anger, too, cause I have not made an abstraction of all of my memories. They are liking feeling cold, and when I forget them, it’s like feeling warm again, so I enjoy remembering bad things, cause remembering is like going out in the cold weather for just a while, and forgetting them is like going back to the warm of indoors.
Of course I cannot control everything. Sometimes I remember things I am not searching for. My memories are like birds… they appear and disappear by their own will. Sometimes I do not “see” a memory for a long time. And sometimes, there are memories that are like old pigeons: they are kind of disgusting and cannot fly far away; and they are supposed to die, but they simply do not.
This one before going blank was like an old fat sick pigeon. And I’d rather not mention it, cause every time I try to translate the images into words the things get too fuzzy and messed up. And the most important thing actually is the blank. People do not really care about blanks… most of the time; I would be like them if I had not heard qualified people saying that blanks matter. By qualified people, I am referring to those who love saying that there is a place that they like calling “heaven”.
Well, heaven my dears is a supposition. They said I died. And I really think that I slept and dreamed blank. Atheists say that when we die, all goes black. I say all goes blank. And heaven as everyone likes to imagine it is just a bad imagination. I wish I die again, just to be blank, forever. But I guess there are some unfinished things to work out here before going blank.